Mixing Myself

I know it's just no use
When all your lies become your truths
And I don't care

I just decided to listen to the new Michelle Branch album my mum randomly bought me a while ago. Mostly in the absence of having her old one with me... Anyway, that line just happened to stand out to me. So there we are. New music is good, I just have to be in the right mood to listen to a whole album for the first time.

Today is my weird day. Tomorrow is my massive walking day, and I'm determined to do it again, even if it rains. Woo for Goretex. This weekend is going to be hard, because all Saturday and all Sunday are taken up with society stuff. Usually Sunday is my work day... Must buy the new German textbook they've suddenly sprung on us, I'll want to get that reading done before the weekend. Today I managed a decent chunk of 'Hound', and as long as I'm sensible for the rest of the week I'll get it all done. At the moment I still feel like everything's being built up, and the action hasn't really kicked off, but it's still entertaining. And makes laundry time pass a lot quicker!

I think I'll be having a wander tonight. My last wander was... Thursday? Need my next fix. Haha. Unfortunately my nice idea for Eve's downtime regarding security testing has now been blown out of the water, so I'll want to brainstorm that. Not to mention NaNoWriMo.
Regarding CW, not everyone in my group has put their pieces up on the website, which means some of them are late. Do I get to ignore their pieces if they're late...? It's been over 24 hours since the deadline. Been quite a mix so far.
I worked hard to get my piece in early, darn it.

Why does self-discovery have to come at the same time as workload? Having said that, better my first year than my second or third. All I want to do is write and wander around on my own thinking, and roleplay. If I didn't have German to do too it'd be fine.
Still, I'm staying on top of everything nicely. Just. Ooh, I've just remembered that I have no seminar tomorrow. Brilliant. I might be able to do the career thing AND my nice long walk.

Hold on, hold on to yourself

Just remember the light inside. She's there, and no one can touch that.

Fire!

Okay, I didn't actually set my kitchen on fire. But I came close! I feel like a proper student now!
Everything was going well. I'd grilled some vegetable fingers (cheap AND healthy if not very filling) and put them on my plate, put the tray back in the oven and closed the door. Sat down, had my meal - maybe fifteen minutes. Went to do the washing up.
It was then I heard a strange clicking noise from the oven...
Oh, it's nothing, I thought, the metal is just bending as it cools down, it happens all the time.
More clicks. The clicks are getting more frequent.
Hold on a moment...

Blinky leans back to look at the oven, and sees that she has, indeed, left the grill on...
Shiiiit!!

I switched it off, opened the door and was greeted with smoke. Now that I actually looked, the whole kitchen was a bit smoky... Small amount of panic regarding the fire alarm (it would call the fire brigade out) when I remembered it was heat sensing, not smoke sensing. Wise people that made that decision.
Opened the window wide. Considered myself a bit lucky.

I don't know what would have actually happened... If it would have caught fire or exploded or whatever. I theorised that I could have jumped out the window - we're only on the first floor. However, this thought has now filled me with a serious desire to jump out the window anyway - just to say I have.
Of course, I might get in trouble... though, as Musical Friend pointed out, only if I got caught. She's not a bad influence, honest!

Lentil says:
I don't know what I'd have done if it had actually caught fire
Lentil says:
Jumped out the window probably
Lentil says:
I might do that at some point anyway, just to say I have...
Musical Friend says:
haha
Lentil says:
although it might get me in a bit of trouble
Musical Friend says:
not if nobody found out about it!
Lentil says:
yeah, maybe if I did it in the middle of the night
Lentil says:
and they didn't specifically tell us NOT to
Musical Friend says:
Exactly...and so long as you didn't land awkwardly and break a leg and be stuck there until someone found you the next morning it would all be fine!!
Lentil says:
yeah... that is the danger
Lentil says:
actually hurting oneself

It's true though! Never in any of the safety talks or rules and regulations were we specifically told not to jump out the windows. Maybe they think we have common sense... But they do realise we're students...
Heh!

Name; Course: Definition

The bar is full, teeming with noise and laughter. People shout across tables, and grin as another round is bought. It's the first week - "Freshers' Week", and packed with fresh experiences. New friends-to-be in a new home-to-be. The beginning of the best three years of my life. A rebirth, if you will. The smell of smoke is acrid, sticking to the back of my tongue. Medic, this Fresher's getting lung cancer! Glasses clink on tables. The second years smile on indulgently.
"Everyone's homesick at first". Am I? Is that what this sensation is? Lungs contract. Stomach clenches in a vague, disconcerted movement. Home. Sick.

We're here to Make Friends and Have Fun. Alcohol dances through a hundred bloodstreams - we're talkative, confident. If you're lucky you might even remember it in the morning. The smoke is a constant backdrop, curling in the air like an ethereal predator, as dozens of fiery sticks are clenched between teeth. It gets in my hair, clothes, eyes... My throat. I'm hoarse, and the group expands, bombarding me with names that I'll never remember. So this is getting to know each other. Name; course: definition. Tick the boxes. Smile.
Internally I'm outraged. We're barely exchanging a sentence! Let's actually talk about something! Naturally I say nothing, knowing I'm alone in my estrangement. They are all happy here, content with the list of people they can reel off in their emails home. Popular, and successful.
Every conversation is the same. I'm from HomeTown. Where's that? Near City. Oh, you're a RegionalArea... How novel, and exciting.
Lacking stimulation, my attention turns to my surroundings. Typical pub, with sinsiter low lighting and the heating up a fraction too high. Dark, wooden tables sit like coffins surrounded by red gore seats. The grain is sticky from a spilled drink, evidence of someone's over-enthusiasm. History etched on the surface, tacky, sweet, making my hand recoil. Empty cups perch before us, and our livers are praying. Someone lights up beside me. I inhale and choke.

I get up and go to the bar for another drink. Muse to myself - is this where the fun comes in? Will the spirit's room-swaying mood-enhancing sting make this a good night to remember? Will you vomit on the tiles and proudly display your hangover come the splitting rays of morning light?
Tense with claustrophobia, furtively my hands grasp at my backpack - awkward, too big for a night out. Fingers find with relief the zips still shut, paranoid that strangers will find the treasure within. My life in a bag, and I can't trust this place.
A hundred distractions threaten. Reassure myself that this is voluntary, that I can choose to leave - though I risk social exclusion, losing my wonderful opportunity to make brilliant new friends. Cathy does economics. John does music. Sorry, didn't catch your name -?
Motion in the crowd, and the beckoning, hypnotic lights of the dance floor illuminate us. Seeking relief I follow. At least here I won't have to pretend to make conversation that no one can even listen to. Ask for a repetition twice - the third time just nod and smile. All that's required in response is an affirmation.
The music throbs sweetly, primal beats travelling through twisting bodies, pulsing in our chests, and we surrender to its familiarity. I close my eyes against the rush of lights and pretend I'm elsewhere. More smoke creeps up on me. My eyes sting.
I'm dancing self-consciously (she's taking up too much room with that backpack)(or am I paranoid?) but I know solace is nearby. Mentally I clutch at the pen and paper within, estranged with a last resort. Someone knocks into me and apologises. Time is counted in songs.
It's late and finally I make my excuses. All the unfamiliar faces flood and overload my mind, and I'm even further apart from them. My ears are ringing and the world is muffled, like a cloud of silence descending upon me. I cover my ears and my heart pounds in irrational fear. I smell my hair and clothes for the stench, the evidence of fags and booze. Clear. Pleasant surprise. I didn't drink much... maybe that's where I'm going wrong?

I yean for conversation, for words that mean something. Similarities. Shared jokes, laughter, discovery... Sensations that are all void from this experience. Instead my lungs burn for fresh air and I feel pressured. Must meet our people quota for the day.
My room is cool and quiet, a sanctuary. My anti-social pastimes surround me and I luxuriate in the solitude for a while. Books are waiting to be read. Tired eyes close.
It's here I feel welcome.

***

Author's thoughts: Okay, you guys know well enough that I'm enjoying myself now for me to put this up... Besides, I was one of the few who actually did it and so we won't be using it in the course. Let me know what you think! Remember, when we critique we say three things we like and three things that could be improved... Oh no wait, that's just for us CW geeks...

Laid-Back-Tuesdays

Tuesdays are nice in that I only have one lecture... but that does make me feel like I really need to be efficient and get lots of work done. So I will. As soon as I've finished procrastinating... Luckily I did all of this week's reading last week, so all I have to do is make detailed notes and then do all of next week's reading. That's a point, what is next week...?
Oh. Hamlet. Great. It's all right, I've already started reading that anyway. Just need to step it up a bit. And in all fairness the rest of the week is also quite easy going, so it doesn't have to be done just *today*.

It's amazing! I'm meeting people who I might one day consider actual friends! Rather than most who are just... people I know. There is kind of a 'cool' crowd in the building, and I get on fine with them, but I can't quite see myself fitting in. Individually I like them, in a group I feel like a total loser. Which I am. But that's a good thing. Especially as I have found...

The Role-Playing Society!
Live Action Role Play is fantastic. Basically, it's what I've been doing on my own, pacing-up-and-down-in-my-room-talking-to-myself-imagining-things, in my head, since I was ten. My initial response was, "Other people actually do this??". And you get swords! And costumes! And you're running around in actual fields and woods and things!
Overuse of exclamation marks, but my goodness I cannot actually believe how much I'm enjoying it. Ever felt like you've found your calling? Well, mine is to act like a child again. With other people who like to act like children. And it's brilliant.
So, in the light of my new and special discovery, all I really want to do at the moment is LARP. Which is why even though Monday is my insanely busy day where I hardly get a break, it is also one of my favourite days because it contains the social LARP. Incidentally, based on a computer game I used to play. And write fanfiction for. I can't actually write what it's called for Google is dangerous.
UNIVERSITY IS HEAVEN.

Calm self, calm self... Can anyone else smell the distinctive scent of developing obsession? Ahem. It also helps that some of the people I've met there are extremely funny, and pretty much bonkers.
My character in this LARP is called Eve, and she's part of the crazy clan... So I have resurrected The Penny and The Little Blue Light as part of my 'derangement'. The fact that my character's derangement is based on real life... haha. I've decided that Honey is an agent of The Penny too, so I might bring her up on occasion.
Otherwise, I laugh a lot as Eve. In that this-isn't-really-funny-but-if-I-don't-laugh-I-might-kill-something way. Not in an Imogen way.

Imogen is cool.

Blinky is a special girl
And she really likes killing
She's trying to take over the world
With merriful blood spilling!

Here's to the geekiest society on campus.

In The Interests Of Free Time

It has occurred to me that all this free time I have at the moment I will not have next week, and so it might be prudent to get some blogging out of the way. Not that I have nothing to do... I just have things to do that seem like a lot of effort.

Things Lucie has to do:

Take laundry to the laundrette (clothes smell of smoke)

Visit the health centre to enquire about the physiotherapist

Read my English handbook

It's currently raining, so options one and two don't sound very promising at the moment. My neck is killing me - hence the physiotherapist. Somehow the night before last I managed to hit myself in the eye and acquire one hell of a stiff neck. It's not the same problem as I had a year ago, as my shoulders are fine, but it's really unpleasant nonetheless. Also rather unnerving when I have about five leaflets on meningitus dotted around the place... Anyway, that's why I'm avoiding reading the English booklet. It's not really worth it just to read it, I've been going through with a highlighter to make things easier. But it does need doing...

I went round the societies today and joined loads... and now I can't remember exactly which ones I joined and which ones I just requested information for. Silly Blinky. I think I only joined the four... Music, role-playing, hiking and karate. I've made a sort-of timetable, though I imagine it will change.

It's strange how much I'm missing playing the flugel. Maybe it's because I got such a great buzz off Saturday, but now I feel all deprived. I ordered my mouthpiece a week ago now, and they said about seven days, so I'm hoping I'll get it by Saturday. There's just so much to join in music-wise. They even said they'd happily take a flugel in the orchestra, just for fun. Strange people...
I'm also worried that if I get out of the habit of playing it'll be harder to get back into it. Plus a little practise before auditions / meeting my new band would be helpful!

Maybe I should do some writing... REAL writing. Though I must, must, must get my jeans washed. I hate the smell of smoke. And sorting out my neck should be a priority to... bah. Let's wrap up the entry.

*gets out wrapping paper and scissors*

There we go. All pretty.

In A Galaxy Far, Far Away...

Okay, so I am now somewhere new. Somewhere different. Somewhere with internet access... Woohoo! I was downloading a file earlier and it was going at 1.10MB/sec. That's insane. Still, I am not going to make a form of objection.

I just received the BEST TASK EVER to complete before my first CW workshop: Buy a new notepad (and maybe pen) to dedicate to writing. They're actually ASKING me to buy more stationery. I love this department.
On top of that, I've already written the first draft of a short-story thing (that was also part of our task) regarding university as a new experience. The idea was to get past all the things that people take for granted and look at what it's really like. I might put it up here, but not yet, as it kind of gives the impression that I'm not enjoying myself. I am, I'm just finding some bits weird.

Meanwhile, on the subject of English Lit, I have to read a book a week. That includes Shakespeare. Apparently in years two and three that will increase. So I've bought Hamlet and shall start reading it either tonight or tomorrow to get a head start... and I got the plot summary from Sparknotes. Always useful.

It's hard to update more without getting too specific... Perhaps I shall leave you here for now. It'll all kick off soon.